As a geek who has been writing software, managing software developers or working in IT for the last 18 years, I have become very aware of the fact that my brain works in a binary way. 0 or 1. True or false. On or off. Hot or cold. Black or white. Yummy or gross. I don’t like operating in a grey area. Grey means there is either confusion, dissent or mediocrity. None of those terms are synonymous with satisfaction – at least in my opinion. Applying that to real life, two things have become very obvious to me.
Unknown = scary, but known = boring.
At the most basic level, we can look to the famous proverb written for eternity on the all important shampoo bottle.
Rinse and repeat.
For too many, that sums up life. The talented Dave Matthews helps break it down even more his song, Ants Marching.
He wakes up in the morning
Does his teeth bite to eat and he’s rolling
Never changes a thing
The week ends the week begins
or
Driving in on this highway
All these cars end up on the sidewalk
People in every direction
No words exchanged
No time to exchangeAnd all the little ants are marching
Red and black antennas waving
They all do it the same
They all do it the same way
That sums it up pretty well, no? I’m no expert in ants, but I have watched them a bit. They are constantly moving, sometimes seemingly aimlessly, toward some goal. Back and forth. Round and round. Over and over. Rinse and repeat. “They all do it the same. They all do it the same way”.
Known = boring.
The thing is that I’ve never been an ant aficionado. When I was younger, I thought it was fun to stick bottle rockets into the hole of ant hills, wait for the ants to crawl to the top of the bottle rocket, light the fuse and WHOOSH, “set them free”! It was glorious! I have always wondered what their little ant brains were thinking as they were launched into the atmosphere. Did they panic? Were they screaming in ecstasy or shrilling in terror? Or were they simply thinking, “Crap, I better hold tight!” ? What I do know is they were traveling at the speed of light toward the great “unknown” and it was must have been scary. And then, POP!
My wife and I like to stick bottle rockets in each others ant holes. Take that however you want, but we have never been conventional. Beyond being weird, we are complete opposites. We couldn’t even agree on the title of this blog post! While it’s not always the most comfortable thing, it very much fits my binary brain. If she is true, I am false. If she is 1, I am 0. If she is cold, I am hot.
My wife is an extrovert, and I am very much an introvert. My wife likes to talk, I like to not talk. My wife enjoys health stuff, I despise it. She loves kids, I was super-scared to have the responsibility of a Dad. When she stuck a bottle rocket in my ant hill, we ended up serving for years in a youth group. Not the ideal setting for an introvert. Scary, then POP! Then she stuck another one in my Pepsi addiction. No caffeine? No sugar? What?!? Scary, then POP! Although, not soda pop. Then the finale. Something happened and my wife went POP! and out came my daughter. Then she went POP again and out came my son. Like the ants, my ant brain was thinking, “Crap, I better hold on tight!”. Scary, then POP!
I am a bit more adventurous than my wife. I like climbing straight up rocks in my Jeep, my wife likes enjoying the outdoors on more level ground. I don’t like planning, my wife LOVES lists. I don’t notice dirty, my wife loves clean. When I stuck the Jeep bottle rocket in her ant hole, she didn’t cuss, but I think she came close. Scary, then POP! You get the idea.
But alas, her part of Ants Marching came in.
She thinks, we look at each other
Wondering what the other is thinking
But we never say a thing
These crimes between us grow deeper
I don’t think our crimes are the typical 1st degree type of crimes. Nothing “bad”. But there is no doubt that after nearly 18 years of marriage and 23 years of friendship, things have changed. The shampoo we were using has dulled our hair. It’s time for a new brand. We’ve shot a ton of bottle rockets, now it’s time to fire off something with bigger POP! Despite all the fireworks, we know we haven’t reached the finale. It may sound a little harsh, but the known has become boring. It’s time to stick another bottle rocket in our ant hill. And the unknown waiting at the top of the ascent of this bottle rocket is scary. What will the other side of this POP! look like? For me? For my wife? For our kids? Even for our Pug?
The bottle rocket we are using to escape the “known” is epoch48. The unknowns of this adventure are immense, And scary. For me, quitting my job knowing that we still have to feed our kids, pay our bills, figure out health insurance and eventually reinvent our life is scary. For my wife, leaving the chickens, the house and her routine is scary.
For a binary guy like me, while it may be scary, the decision is made. For the geeks out there.
going = true.
Everything in our life, especially over the last couple years, has led up to this. Made this possible. There is no doubt that we are doing the right thing. But it still is a bit scary. To add one more quote to the mix, from Benjamin Mee.
You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.
For me, those 20 seconds have not fully come yet. But I will need them very soon. It will be scary, but the alternative is boring. In my mind, scary > boring, so all that is left is to tie off some loose ends, light this bottle rocket and get on the road.
As a family, we are so excited for what is to come and the opportunity we have to inspire others to think outside the box. While the thought of epoch48 can be overwhelming, we know that we are making the right decision for us – and that is all that matters. The next year and a half are going to be anything but boring and full of scariness. And challenges. And adventure. But we have our 20 seconds of courage saved up – bring on the fireworks!